you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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