i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
