our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
