I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
