The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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