yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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