If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
