who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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