I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
