everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
