then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
