On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
