I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
