I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
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