Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
