fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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