so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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