Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
