so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
