I feel great
I just peed on a car
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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