this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
