i already hear my dad disowning me
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
