the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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