My entire life is one complicated drinking game
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
