Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
