I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
