i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
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As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
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You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
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