you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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