He disabled his match.com account in front of me
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
We left an ass print on the piano.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
