I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Acid is not a monday night drug
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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