I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
