i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
