the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
