DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
