is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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