Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We are two peas in an std pod
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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