i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
