PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
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Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
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I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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