I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
