we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The air was thick with penises
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
