ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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