Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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