I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
this boner is exhausting
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
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He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
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At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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