There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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