Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
