Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
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