he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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