she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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