your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
