i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
