peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
