capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
