Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
