the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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