Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
