And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
