and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
