I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
