and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
