I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
