Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
