she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
