we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
