I CAN MOONWALK!
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
