guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He shit in the fireplace
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
