I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
