His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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