so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
