Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
