The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
